Keeping the Passion and Intimacy in Marriage.
I was reading this article in Prevention Magazine about 10 ways to stay connected and wanted to also write my own version of this and add comments of things we do to keep things saucy.
- Doing these outside of your normal routine. I think Michael and I like to always mix it up with a new event. One weekend might be a Jazz Festival, the next one might be a tour of wineries and then he might drag me to a cheese tasting (even though dairy hates me). Our couples yoga we do every Friday night in Philadelphia ( Manayunk) is a way for us to offer an adventurous date night to couples we ever met. Our first unofficial date was watching fireflies on a hammock on a warm summer night outside of New York city in Rheinbeck, NY. Our next more official date after we had lunch in the East Village and then I took him to an acrobatic yoga class in Central Park. In the acro class we were hanging upside like fruit bats and our partners were twirling our bodies in the air like a Cirque Du Soleil pro. One of our more memorable dates was when he took me to Longwood Gardens and we saw an ice skating show ( in the dead of winter…. at night)….It made for a memorable night!
- Laugh over inside jokes. I think the two of us have loads of these. When I talk about the time before I was with my hubby I refer to it as B.M. ( Before Michael) which we both have a groaning laugh over. We have funny nicknames for each other, some of which I’m not allowed to say in public. It validates our bond to build up a reservoir of laughter and giggles and builds intimacy.
- How was your day? Isn’t it nice to have someone to regale your tale of woe or jubilation every day? It kind of keeps it alive again. Having this chat every day helps to keep you connected to the details, stresses, hopes, intimacy and dreams of your sweetie. Even if it feels like a cliche question the answer is almost always different. I sort of store of all these little stories to tell Michael and when the events are happening I am thinking in my head…. I can’t wait to tell Michael.
- Accept that conflict is a part of any relationship. You are going to agree. You are going to disagree. Your partner will eventually piss you off, frustrate you and disappoint you. What kind of conflict resolution skills do you have? Yelling? Screaming? Whacking them upside the head with a frying pan? Name calling? Sarcasm? If yes, then you or both of you need to gain or develop conflict resolution skills.
- Listening intently to what your partner is saying even if it makes your skin crawl is a learned skill. It might even take going to a therapist to gain and practice these skills. Going to a therapist can cost a few bucks depending on if they take insurance or not. How much do you think a divorce would cost you though? Add up paying for two households, alimony , child support and just the cost of moving and couples therapy can seem like a bargain… not to mention all the heartbreak and devastation that will come with it.
- Fight Fair. When you fight do you just list all the grievances of your partner? Do you get nasty ? After your fight do you feel like you have grown and evolved from it or do you just feel bruised? Couples that use “we” and “us” language fare better in fights. Examine the language you are using.
- Couples that sweat together, stay together. How often do you and your sweetie go for walks, hikes, biking or swimming? You can both keep each other motivated, support each other and do something that will keep each other vibrant. Studies show that women who have a regular exercise practice are more open to intimacy as well. How’s that for motivating you to get off the couch and on the treadmill?
Some recommendations for couples.
Have you been married or in a long-term relationship?
How do you keep intimacy alive?
What are your tips for keeping your intimacy spicy and sweet?
Share your thoughts in our comments.